Along with the Ivory-Billed Woodpecker and the Amur Leopard, there’s another endangered species nearing or having reached extinction: The Tough Guy. At some point in my 30+ years, men laid down their their brawler, their chin, for Dancing With the Stars. They are sensitive and compassionate now, instead of providers and protectors.
My opinion, we need more men with chin. Chin, in the boxing world, is a badass. Having chin means having the ability to absorb punches when you get hit with a big shot and stay standing, to remain on your feet despite seeing black flashing lights, blurred, double or triple vision and feeling a buzz that goes all the way to your toes. Some say you are either born with a good chin or not. Other say it’s a mental toughness that when your brain tells you to go down to the canvas you will yourself to stay on your feet.
I’ll say it again, the world needs men with chin.
But today, men are merely women who stand to pee. Sorry guys, there seems to be no distinction between the sexes. Everyone has become sensitive and in touch with their feelings. Nowadays, they post Facebook status’, venting. When I was growing up they placed punches. Guys thought The Terminator was cool, they watched Die Hard and Reservoir Dogs, not the Notebook. They didn’t drink red wine and champagne they drank Jack and Coke. It saddens and pretty much pisses me off to watch men continue on this downward spiral toward meekness, weakness and softness. I have six sons but, more importantly, I have 5 daughters who know what a real man is because they have brothers and a badass dad. They will never be satisfied with a male endowed, female wired husband. So, seeing as though everyone forgot what it takes to be a tough guy, I’ve taken the liberty of putting together a list of 6 steps to help mankind regain some of that old bravado that has long been forgotten. I urge you to read all the way through, I saved the best for last!
STEP ONE: Bulk Up
You gotta look the part before you act the part. Tough guys have muscles, they have muscles on their muscles. They look like they could beat the sh*& outta anyone and they carry themselves with confidence. Muscles show you care about your appearance and you value yourself. Most women love to feel like the guy they are with can protect them from any and all evil lurking out there. We also dig men who look good and make us feel small. In a world where we are obsessed with our weight, there would be nothing worse, or very little worse, than being heavier than your husband. Our self esteems are quite fragile. So men, this may seem very superficial, but just like you enjoy our taking special care to look good for you, women love their men to look good too.
STEP TWO: Own the Game Of Life:
Everyone gets beat down in life, it’s a fact. As said by Rick Seaman, graduate of the Naval Academy, “Mental toughness is the ability to persevere in pursuit of a goal, no matter how long it takes or how much pain is involved. It is the willpower needed to complete the mission regardless of obstacles.” It means no matter how relentless life is, no matter how horrid the people in your path are, you are a rock, you don’t falter, you don’t fall, you plow on through and you never ever complain … ever! Tough guys play hurt and the pain, unbeknownst to anyone else. They know that complaining is only for lesser people who crave attention. They know all to well that the respect that comes from enduring pain is a lot better than the sympathy you get from moaning about it. Complaining is a sign of weakness, it shows lack of character. Very few guys are mentally tough. They want us all to think they are tough so they will complain, but let you know they are not complaining. Being mentally stout enables you to break out of seemingly boring existences and into a realm unbeknownst to others. When you’re brain is brawny you are unencumbered by obstacles that would otherwise trash your very existence.
STEP THREE: Get some Rocky In Ya
Think Clint Eastwood — Dirty Harry, Walt Kowalski (Eastwood’s character in Gran Torino). Regardless who Eastwood is playing, the world is well aware that character can kick some ass. We know this by the way he acts, the way he carries himself and by the way he looks. Clint Eastwood is the toughest of the tough guys in Hollywood. Gun fights, bar fights, whatever the fight, he holds his own. Of course, I’m not suggesting you go out and look for a fight. Real tough guys, real men have nothing to prove. They know they have the cojones to do what it takes, they don’t need to constantly prove it to everyone else. Besides , a real man can distinguish which fights are worth fighting and which ones are petty. No one respects a man who can’t brush off a slew of insults or a minor altercation and flies. Flying into rages at every whim only proves lack of control. However, it’s equally hard to respect a man who doesn’t know when it’s time to flex. The important battles are the ones whose significance exceeds the actual confrontation. If a dude bumps into you, it’s not worth it. But if a guy bumps into your wife, hell yeah, you better act.
STEP FOUR: Be Crazy
Tough guys have tough hobbies. They are not shoppers, they don’t play the piano, knit or garden. Tough guys live on the edge, they take chances and they don’t fear fear. Tough guys ride motorcycles, they’re into extreme sports and they play rough. They are also warriors in everything they do. “A pint of sweat will save a gallon of blood,” so said Gen Patton. Tough guys don’t finish last. They bring a game face to every meet up. Fear is a daily occurence in their lives, but they don’t wear it on their sleeve, they crave it like raw meat and the amount of sheer fear in their day is the ruler on which they measure the success of the past 24 hours. Tough guys dabble in the crazy, always pushing the limits. They are visibly unfazed when the sh*@ hits the fan. Due to their crazy nature, everyday life doesn’t scare them. Which leads me to Step 5.
STEP FIVE: Take Care of Your Own
Due to the “Obama economy” Dan’s boss was forced to cut employee salaries and when Dan was called in to his boss’ office in October He wasn’t shaking, he wasn’t nervous. His pay was cut … by 20%. A lesser man would have quit. I would have quit. Today most “men” would be on the phone with their psychiatrists, bawling about being emasculated, their feelings of inadequacy and how scary a time this was for them. Dan’s thoughts were in a different direction, he has resolve, he has determination. He threw himself into a start-up business, SubSavvy. After months and months of 20/hr days, working 2 ful-time jobs and a 3rd, working part-time as a web developer, he’s ready to launch the first version. Tough guys don’t take a beating from anyone, not even plummeting economic forces. Tough guys use a tough situation to make things better. Tough guys are badass dads and role models for their kids. Tough guys are badass husbands who support their wives financially and emotionally so she can stay at home and raise their children. Tough guys teach their sons how to be tough guys and teach their daughter’s about what a real man is.
STEP SIX: Get a Grip
Tough guys live by a set of values and core beliefs. Tough guys know, love and serve God. They aren’t ashamed of this, they holler it from the rooftops, they preach it and they live it. They are tough enough to know that they aren’t tough without Him. The tough guys value honesty and integrity and they garner respect from holding these truths. Tough guys aren’t out there fighting the good fight for themselves, and they’ll defend their beliefs to the death. There are four types of people in the world. The first type, will like you no matter what you do. The second will like you, but can be persuaded to dislike you. The third, will despise you from the get-go. And the fourth will despise you, but can be persuaded to like you. Real men don’t worry about who likes them and who they must impress. Their only concern is living truth; for if you live truth, you fear nothing!
You are so going to hear it on this one! Well said, my friend. My husband is currently raising 6 amazing children, running a business, going to school, and I swear one of these days he’s going to break his neck doing something insane. He doesn’t stop, is he tired at the end of the day, you bet! I expect my son to be a man too. In theory he is a twin. His female counterpart gets away with hell, he gets called on anything and everything. She gets babied, he gets a “get up your fine”. Unfair, maybe. But he’s 4 and he will protect his 5 sisters and do anything for them!
You are such an amazing writer, I’m proud to call you my friend. You’re dead on (as always), but with this, the end gave me goose bumps. Then Greg said, “Shit, I’ve gotta hit the weights, cuz men don’t go to the gym, they lift weights.” Ha Ha Ha Did he miss the point?
I love this. Shared with friends, and I agree the end was great.
I’ve been following your blogs for awhile now and I’m so glad you are putting more of them out. This was really awesome and it all came together so beautifully at the end. Your family is so inspriational and I’ve come to look forward to your blogs.
I’m stuck in a dead end job, hourly employee, but stability, 3 kids and my wife does stay home. Question, stay for stability or take a chance and find something else that may or may not last?
I read this while bathing my youngest and I was LOL. This is the best and yeah, the ending is riveting.
Best writer in the house, yo. A man has his life together man and aint no-one who can take it away. a man aint no doormat, he protects what’s his and knows when its threatened. And Jesus, he’s my man, my leader, only man I’ll follow.
I love that you say men must be bigger than their wives, they gotta bulk up. That’s awesome and so true.
It’s the year 2012, women don’t need men to protect and provide, they want a man to be sensitive. Cave men are so 1950.
If I weren’t such a badass I’d write an awesome comment. Kewl blog (that’s not badass, to write kewl).
you forgot, don’t shave, get tats, do shave your head, drink pbr, and talk shit.
Is this to be an Internet cool guy or just a cool guy. Kind of offended, because I’m in touch with my feelings and love the Notebook and cry often at the injustices of the world. Kidding.
I love Taylor Swift. She’s a chick, am I a cool guy/
Yes, you are right from beginning to end.
Damn nice lens, I think there’s a happy medium, which you totally neglect and the above is all but impossible on a daily basis, but nice to strive toward. Again, nice lens.
Never a tough guy myself, I got respect for the real tough guys.
Time to hit the gym, the wife’s bulked up over Christmas.
time to throw some punches.
I love tough guys.
What about the women whose husbands do not do anything. I get my kids to Mass, I get my kids dressed, fed and to school, I get the home and to all of their sports activities, I do all the cleaning, I do all the cooking, I get no break, nothing. I fall asleep with a baby and wake up with a baby. I’m done. I wish I’d never been born sometimes, then I look at my children and think, oh Lord, you must help me. What do you do when all you want is a tough guy but he can’t be that for anything?
I wish I knew the answers to things like this … all i can say is I recently read something that said ALL frustration stems from selfishness. That’s pretty on target! I’m working so hard to change my own selfishness and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I didn’t realize how selfish i was until I read that all frustration stems from selfishness. UGH!!! :)) xoxoox
I’d like to respectfully disagree. I’ve been to your site a few times and seen some of your youtube stuff and overall I like you and your family and while I have disagreed with you on some key points I’ve never really been tempted to comment before. However, I think that stuffing the entire male gender into your ideal vision of men is unfair. Some men are short and skinny. This isn’t a flaw, it’s genetics. As for the tough hobbies, piano, really? Since when is mastering a difficult skill for wimps? And I know its a cliche, but look at the great men who have changed nations. Ghandi was about as skinny as it gets and he was anti-violence, anti-“toughguy” as it gets. How about Bach, Einstein and Da Vinci? They were probably not tough guys but where would we be without them? That’s not to say I don’t agree with you that big muscles and the toughness you described are attractive, but I don’t think that men who do not have those attributes are any less male, just different and not for me. I think you do a disservice to men when you deny them emotion and an outlet to be vulnerable. As a psychology student (here it comes…) I can tell you that there are far more differences within the genders than between.
This post was in no way intended to be disrespectful. You are as entitled to your opinions and beliefs as I am to mine. This is just an issue that hits close to home with me. Just some food for thought.
Some of this was meant to be a bit tongue in cheek. First let me say, you make many valid points and I appreciate your respectful manner — you have no idea the comments I get … LOL. Emotions are fine IN the home, men do, of course, have emotions – but to be vulnerable? Never. I don’t think anyone, male or female ought to be vulnerable. Life is all about perspective. If you have children, a wife a husband, anyone at all who depends on you, you can’t afford to be vulnerable. That’s where faith comes in, which was the main point of my blog. Jesus, the ultimate tough guy died for his beliefs, he let no-one trample him and he hate haters. He was strong and when he felt weak he fasted and prayer fervently. As for the sexes today, I don’t see many differences in my life. Men are portrayed on TV and in the media as big idiots – they are constantly being berated by their SO. If this was reversed there would be an outcry. We live in a two-income society, the majority of men don’t even solely provide for their families. We live in a society that is teaching boys it’s not OK to be a boy. it’s not OK to have a fist fight, it’s not OK to win, it’s not OK to be competitive. They don’t know what they are supposed to be, they are told it’s ok to be emotional and vulnerable, to share their words … this is not how men are wired. When I was a kid, school shootings were non-existent, because we didn’t flip out over minor things. A little fist fight now gets kids charged with assault and parents sued. A fender bender lands 18 year olds with Careless Driving tickets. Competition amongst boys ends with score keeping being taken away. Men are warriors, by nature. They were the ones out hunting the food, fighting the battles. I want to celebrate the differences, I want to celebrate masculinity and femininity. I want to bring back chivalry. Thanks so much for your post!!! :))) I love differing opinions because they make you think!!
I LIKE it–sharing.
Nice job, Sue! Love this blog & it couldn’t have come @ a better time for me…I just wish more men were willing to step up the plate and really kick ass for their families!
Nice guys finish last in every walk of life. It sucks.
Women want to be with men who are strong and commanding while being sensitive and affectionate. Men, you can’t be both and get the girl. Don’t be a doormat or a goof. Men are so much more and she will respect you more if you put your purpose ahead of hers.
Personal power is something that is attractive in both sexes. Have principles, don’t be just agreeable.
Men are doormats because we’ve been taught ladies first.
“Great and good are seldom the same man” – Winston Churchill.
I finally found my perfect guy. I’ve never met anyone like him. I have a tremendous amount of respect for him. It took me years to understand that about myself. I have to be with a man that I admire and respect. I admire and respect a man who can be nice but not be a pushover. Great article!
Women are nuts. They don’t know what they want and unfortunately this author just set us all up for the fall of our lives. Be tough, be quiet and don’t talk or share anything about yourself. Go after dudes that disrespect her, but not yourself. Bitch.
Nothing new here. Women want men who make them feel safe. Surprising hearing it from a woman, but cool too. Bet you’re smokin.
Maybe I’m too nice, I was brought up with morals, values and to treat people nicely but I think some women still want that “Bad Boy” I’m too frickin old for that crap, I used to be a bad boy but those days are gone. I think this article hit me between the eyes. In the past year, I’ve had three women tell me “We don’t have enough in common or your not my type. What the hell is going on? It’s got to be my approach, life style, I’m doing something wrong.
Excellent article and so true. I can’t emphasize the “be a leader” advice enough.
Aw…I like the nice, sensitive guy! But then, I kinda like being the aggressive one so it works out for me.
Go ahead and discard those sweet guys, ladies.There are women like me who do prefer them and will swoop them right up ;).
As I’ve posted elsewhere: Tough does not need to change and every man does not need to get in touch with his emotional side. The stoic suffering is not a evil that needs to be stamped out. Women should stop asking men to be like women because they don’t like being the way men are. Men can be just fine burying their emotions and doing what needs to be done. They can take pride in that and accept the sacrifice was worth making for those who benefited from him doing so. That strength and sacrifice gives him a sense of purpose and keeps him from becoming a wishy-washy self centered puppy in constant need of reassurance. You are onto something young lady.
Most men I meet are approval seeking puppies. they want/need their mommy to approve, their exes, their boss, their librarian, their doctor, their waiter. They don’t know who they are or where they are going and can change themselves in an instant to suit the situation. Think politicians.
Yep, men have been castrated by the media, women and other dudes. However, the strong men are still standing if any of you ladies feel like looking. Only the weak were cut down at the knees.
I like this, alot. Thank you for posting.
I have been reading articles all day about the downward spiral of men these days and this was by far the best, some humor, some seriousness and then the end, I got chills. Great great article.
Awesome, finally someone says what the women have been thinking. Where are the men with a sense of pride? Obama never would have been elected had there been any real men. I’m sharing this, thanks!
I’m a carnal man, baby, that’s what you can call me.
Oh my goodness! an incredible article. My husband read it and he keeled over laughing.
Your house must be a fun place to be!
Yes, yes they are!
So true, I’m in college and I have yet to meet one guy who actually opens doors or pays for me on a date. They are all grumbling about their lack of funds, their crappy lives, their dopey friends. What’s this world coming to when there isn’t one dude who works out and takes pride in being a man?
i would like to tell you that your blog is more and more interesting each day! I wish you would commit to a daily blog, more about your extreme lifestyle and how you managed to free yourself from the stranglehold of the workplace.
Every commercial, every show depicts men as bozos. It’s hard to raise a strong son in light of all this, but it’s imperative. Thanks for noticing.