So, I was in the midst of a personal funk on Sunday, I was righteous, frustrated, angry, and filled with want, jealousy, envy … yeah I was a hot mess on Sunday. Finally, after hours of complaining, Kady said, “You need to pray.” Bam. Knocked out of my pity party by a 16 year old!
These feeling are not new to me, but they are exceptionally rare. You see, I’m a successful person. Successful in the realm of happiness and joy, that is. I guard my joy because it can be stolen by the toxicity of others. Yes, it’s true, people can either have a positive influence on others or a negative one. And that’s why I make a conscious effort to surround myself and my family with positive people, people who make us want to be better, people who are filled with energy and happiness and joy. But every so often, toxic people creep into my life before I can spot them … this is what happened on Sunday! You see, I learned long ago the characteristics of the toxic … read below and see if you can indentify with any of these peeps:
1) The Perpetually Depressed: I’m not talking medically, I’m talking about the person who feels secure in their misery. Now, of course we are all ingrained to want to help those who are suffering, but when the person is never happy, never healthy, their life’s always a wreck … shit gets old. I can only be a cheerleader for so long before expecting you to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and get a grip. We’ve all got issues, but the Perpetually Depressed have issues with nothing redeeming between their issues. They ARE their issues. Set limits, don’t listen to their malarky.
2) The Salesman: This person you meet in business and they are upbeat, positive and full of life. They promise the moon, but over time you realize they deliver NADA, all the while promising more and more. This person gets your hopes up and then never follows through with delivery. You can’t trust their word, and so you can’t trust them. They lie, they lie, and then they lie some more! They make you crazy, they dangle carrot after carrot and when asked a direct question diverts. You never get a straight answer. In business you need equal doses of honesty, integrity, reality and positivity. Ugh!
3) The Arrogant Prick: He talks the talk like he’s God’s gift to whatever, but he aint all he’s cracked up to be, and as such, can’t walk the walk. He’s the pretentious name-dropper and ultimate POS! He knows everything about everyone and everything and is never wrong. He’s also the best at everything and to hear him tell it, people are lining up to learn from him, the almighty. This dude drains your spirit and leaves you devoid of energy. You can’t tell him he’s wrong because he’s so full of himself he can’t see past his ego. I love me some confidence, but arrogance, is designed to make you feel inferior and I don’t stand for this. Run, don’t walk!
4) The Victim: He’s the cousin of the Perpetually Depressed. This one has issues, but they are never their fault. If my parents had … If my boss didn’t … If my ex would have … Oh my gosh, own your shit, people. Don’t date this person, don’t marry this person, don’t befriend this person … this person will take you out and make you a part of their Club O Misery.
5) The Drama Queen: Oh boy. This person creates drama wherever they go making you feel the need to wear a disguise every time you are with them. They are always in trouble, need of rescuing or there is a crisis of disproportionate size! Food too cold, pants too loose, bad hair day, broken nail, blah blah blah blah. It’s impossible to survive this person with your sanity in tact!
6) The Greedy: This person has the newest of everything and makes you feel like crap about everything you have. Until you hang out with this person your 1985 Caprice Classic suits you just fine. Your Walmart stereo puts out the beats to your liking and your modest 1 bedroom apartment is grandiose enough. But then you hang out with Greedy who has the newest of everything just collecting dust and talks about your service in Haiti as cute and sweet and you feel reduced to scum on the soles of their feet. These people are only interested in having, not doing. They will never achieve real happiness and as a result, inadvertently suck the life out of everyone they meet.
6) Dream Killer: These guys never support anything you do, they are constantly cutting you down and making you feel like you need to defend your decisions. They are stuck in the script, they don’t understand dreams, aspirations or even pure happiness. I’ve brought a few of these people around over the years, but only by keeping my distance and limiting the amount of time I spend with them!
7) The Second Chancer: These people should be drawn and quartered, tarred and feathered. They sucked at life when they were kids and they are hell bent that their child is going to redeem them. They send little Johnny to every football camp in the country and relinquish parental rights of little Cindy so she can train for the Olympics in Russia with the best gymnastics coaches. They are also the people complaining about coaches or refs or judges or whomever it was that screwed up their kids chance at notoriety. I know there are some kids who have dedication like the pros, but I also know there are more who just want to be kids. Like a meme I read: You can only build a tunnel to China when you are 6; you can learn piano whenever! Why are they toxic? Because they are their kids success …
8) Negativity Spewer: As the title suggests, this person is consumed by negativity. To them, life pretty much sucks They fail to see the lighter side, let alone the positive side of anything. They ruminate incessantly on the unfairness and the cruelty of all the bad things that either have happened or could happen. Only seeing the negative casts a dark shadow over people and you can easily be caught up in this way of thinking if you are not careful.
9) Haters: Ahhh, it had to appear, cuz haters gonna hate! You can do nothing right. This person is cloaked in negativity and it’s all directed at you and people like you. They don’t want to help you, they don’t want to offer you encouragement and your success is truly the bain of their existence. They want nothing less than for you to completely fail! And it’s got nothing to do with anything you did. They are filled with jealousy and hate. The only way to deal with this loser is to remove them from your life and never ever look back!
10) The Groupie: They see the successes you enjoy or that others enjoy and want to join in. They are your best buddy, your biggest advocate and use their minimal association with you to boost their social status in other groups. You know the type, whatever Shaun White uses, this dude uses and he typically tells you how Shaun White counselled him on all his crap as well as how he’ll be coaching all the next generation of little rippers with Shaun White. All designed to make you think you need him. Yeah, don’t waste your time.
:)))) Now go get you some fun, outdoor-loving, energetic, happy, aspiring, supportive friends who are strong and deal with their issues!!
I’ve spent my life gutting my friends list. If you don’t give them the response they want, they have no motivation to attack. Ignore them.
So what if I am the toxic person? How do I change that?
Sticks and stones, right? This is a really great piece. I love it, printing it out to hang on my fridge.
Then there’s the “winner”. The guy or gal who has to win every conversation. It’s never a discussion, it’s always a contest. This is my entire family. We never have a family get-together without 90% of us leaving pissed.
All clear. Phew!