YES! I agree 100% but I still have toxic people in my outer circle – not my inner circle as my inner circle is a place of peace and love and support and Zen! It was weeded out long ago and many of these people were family! It took me a long time to let them go, to stop inviting their disdain for all things positive into my life and keep them at arms length. If you’re in my inner circle you are trusted, you are safe. There are very few people in this circle … like 18 & 13 of them are sitting in this RV!
People who cannot be happy for me, that are filled with jealousy and always have to try to one-up me have no place in my life. They are exhausting. When my phone rings and I see their names, my heart starts beating fast bc I know a confrontation is coming. Do you have people in your life that turn everything into a competition? Like when they text you asking a question you have to look at all the angles because you are certain you are being set-up? And no, I’m not being paranoid. A simple conversation about nothing turns into a cat and mouse game. For example:
Her: “Hey, my kids are so tan, it’s amazing. I wish I could get that tan.”
Me: “I love my tan kiddos, they look so healthy. For the first time ever, I have a semi-tan, of course, it’s prolly more freckles.”
Her: Tanning causes cancer, I would never let my kids get a tan!
What the …? I reread the message. She is on drugs.
Then there are the “friends” that you can’t tell great things to. For example:
Me: Omgsh, I just won the lottery! $5.8 Gazillion!
Her: “I would never want to win the lottery! I hate the lottery! Everyone is going to be calling you and wanting to be your friend. It will be awful. You might even be murdered. I have a friend who won the lottery and some crazy serial murderer killed her and her family in a very horrific way. He never was caught. I’d be careful. I bet he’s googling you right now.”
Same dealer as friend #1!
Then the friend who always one-ups you. Aggravating!
Me: I got a pedicure today, it felt amazing.
Her: Really? I flew to France today, in a private jet, and Pierre met me at the airport with Champagne (the expensive type) and I will be getting the royal treatment at the Spa of the Stars. I hear Channing Tatum will be there to welcome me.
Nice. Whatever. Now, see I’d normally be thrilled for this friend, I don’t have a jealous bone in my body. Frustration, yes. With this “friend” every text & phone call and time hanging out must always be all about her; the conversation never ever is about you. Ever. But this is a good thing cuz this girl has bumped herself into the outer circle, so she’s not privvy to the real you. So your conversations are about ridiculous trivial things. Really, why even bother conversing? Pass me the $9.99 bottle of generic white zin please.
My least favorite is those “friends” who are in a competition over whose kids are cuter, smarter, funnier, more athletic, more popular, more whatever than yours. As if! I want to ask, have you SEEN my kids? Ha ha
See, you can’t let them get to you. The people who have to brag & lie, who have to compete with you at every stop are people who don’t feel good about their lives. They are trying to convince themselves they are top dog by bringing you down. There is a quote that everyone should memorize. It goes like this … “Create a life that feels good on the inside; not one that just looks good on the outside.”
That’s a quote to live by. Who cares how you look on the outside, if you’re royally screwed up on the inside. Seriously. If your life is a mess, you’re unhappy, stressed, 500 lbs, stuck in a miserable marriage, kids don’t behave, financial hell, it doesn’t matter one iota how you appear to the world, because no matter what words come out of your mouth, the world can see you are desperate – you may think you look like the worlds role model, but you’re not fooling anyone. Get your Sh*& together so we can be friends again. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and make the choices necessary to get yourself to a happy place. Haters suck. They suck people of their energy. End the hater scene in our life and you can breath!
Fantastic post. This is really great. Thank you!
I love your blogs. I really wish you would post more often. They are always a wonderful mix of funny and serious and you are so down to earth. I would love to meet you and your family one day!
So true. OMG, frenemies sneak up on you when you least expect it too!
Oh I so needed this right now. My life is full of toxic people – some that don’t even realize they are toxic. From the comments that started when I announced I was pregnant with our 2nd and continued even now after our 4th is melting hearts left and right. Harsh words when we decided to homeschool and now I know there will be even more when we put our house up for sale and hit the road.
Thankfully we both have a strong loving base with our immediate family. I have a wonderful husband that is there for me and supports me in everything I do no matter how quirky my ideas are! Plus, four amazing boys that think the world of me and all I can do is prepare them for life and knowing what really matters. It’s the if between the l and e. You don’t want to be asking yourself “if only”.