Just Because You’re Offended Does Not Mean You’re Right …

OK, I have to write about this, I really really HAVE TO write about this.  A friend sent me the following blog expecting that I would engage in the rant with her.  Engage in the righteousness that people would have the nerve to ask questions.

http://sylcell.wordpress.com/2014/05/31/to-the-lady-ashamed-of-being-pregnant-with-her-fourth/

Now, that’s not that huge of a stretch as I like to rant as much, if not more, than the average chic, but this blog didn’t do it for me.  Abortion, Hobby Lobby, Citizens United, Unions, Obama, Immigration (for which I have no answers) the list is literally endless.  So forgive me if I sound apathetic, but in a world in which we are sexting and video taping our abortions and doing media tours because we are allowing our 4 year old daughter to be a 4 year old boy, and so on and so on, being asked if I’m “done” having kids is pretty tame!

And as much as I love to debate, I’m always amazed at the things other people choose to get all uptight about.  The ref called a foul on my son, the neighbor has weeds in their yard, that dude is drinking from a plastic water bottle… REALLY? Right now some over the top PC group is gearing up for a fight to change the name of the Boeing AH-64 Apache Attack Helicopter because they believe it’s offensive to the Apache Indians!  It’s the most badass military helicopter ever built.  It’s not named the Cherokee or the Iriquois … it’s named Apache.  That’s honor!  It’s like the Marines being called the most lethal military branch.  You don’t hear them complaining, saying, “no we’re the nice guys”.  Come on!  Pull it together people!

apache

I guess I should tell you I’m almost impossible to offend.  Anger comes swift, but offended?  Rarely.  In fact, only a few things offend me, like poverty, abortion, and if you scold my children.  None of these things should happen in this day and age and if people cared enough we could stop the hate that breeds these deeds.  I find preventable injustice offensive.  I find people who don’t give a crap offensive.

This is OK, if you call the cops, I'll be royally annoyed!
This is OK, if you call the cops, I’ll be royally annoyed!

The problem is we live in a society where everyone feels they are entitled to never be offended and never be annoyed. And so, instead of just making the choice to not let trivial shit annoy them, they decide to freaking litigate or, silence the annoying or offensive people.

Dan has been telling our kids for the past 20 years they don’t have the right to not be annoyed. When you are a kid living in a family with 11 other kids, you are bound to be annoyed.  But no more annoyed than an employee working with scores of other employees, or a teacher, or a cop, or a coach, or a student, or a CEO, or a politician, a customer service rep or even a parent.  The fact is, if you leave your home, chances are you will encounter someone or something that is, at best annoying, and at worst offensive.

So, guess what, all you moms of large families, you are a minority.  You have made choices that put you outside the norm, which is awesome, but let’s face it, when you choose to live outside the norm you will stand out like a sore thumb.   You will attract attention.  You may be stared at, pointed at, your kids may be counted, you may even be … approached. So what?  You never know, you might make a new friend or gain a new client or meet the parent of your sons future wife.  You might have someone come up to you with tears in their eyes and say, “You have blessed this earth with your family.”  True story, this just happened this morning.

Even I’m guilty of curiosity & wonder and even I like to give praise where praise is due.   If I see a momma with a bunch of kids, whose got it together, chances are I’m going to introduce myself.  Yes, I am a mom of 12, but I still find big families intriguing.  I am drawn to them and even find myself wondering if they are done or if they hope to have more children.  I don’t find that a rude question, I’m not asking them about their sex lives, I’m asking them about their family lives.  “Do you hope to have more children?” is NOT akin to “How often do you have sex?”,  “Do you like Kinky sex?”, or “Is your husband well endowed?”  LOL, seriously, I doubt anyone is wondering these things…ever.

You know, I can also honestly say, that to date, no-one has ever asked  anything exceptionally rude.  Of course, people post incredible rude things in their Internet borne anonymity on everything about us from the size of our family to what our RV must smell like, but to my face … never!  Maybe it’s because of my perpetual resting bitch face that they don’t dare, maybe it’s because my kids pretty much save their hell raising behavior for me and Dan, maybe it’s because we look like we are having fun, or maybe it’s because we simply choose to not be offended, so I wouldn’t recognize a rude comment if it was preceded by, “I’m about to offend you.”  

Of course, I’ve had a few, “Better you than me” comments, and one or two, “You are crazy,” comments, but I just smile. I don’t have the time or energy to debate or correct and I don’t live by society’s standards, I don’t follow the script, so maybe I am a little crazy!!  🙂    But, these are my choices,  I made the choice to accept all the blessings God showered me with and that includes children.  Instead of feeling defensive I feel blessed, instead of feeling the need to silence people, I simply focus on my own life, my own family.  Sometimes I have time to humour people, sometimes I don’t.

The key thing here is teaching yourself to be difficult to offend.  Happy people are difficult to offend.  They don’t get their panties in a bunch over much.  They let words slide off their backs, not because we are insensitive, but because we refuse to allow others to psychologically torture us!  If you let other people’s judgment offend you, you give them control over your emotion and that’s giving people who don’t matter to you at all a lot more power than they deserve!

So, unless you are going to make all decisions based on popularity or via some poll you need to grow a pair, be proud of your choices, be proud of who you are and the life you are living.  Remember there are people who are starving, there are babies who are being murdered, there are children being abused, and there are American soldiers dying so you are free to make choices and free to be you!  Go be you, and don’t fret the small stuff!

 

22 Comments

  • Run for president!!!! That actually just stop me from saying something stupid, I just put that problem I had out of my life….. loved you guys….. keep going….. stay strong

  • Couldn’t agree more! And it is soooo awesome what your family is getting to do-traveling in the R.V.,etc..

  • Thank you for sharing my blog! I feel compelled to point out that you missed the entire point of my post. Perhaps I communicated it badly. The point wasn’t that we should be offended about questions regarding family size. The point was that these questions come from a prevailing attitude that children are a burden, not a blessing when you go past that magical number of two children. Yes, some people are not asking these questions because they have a negative attitude about big families and are genuinely curious, but my post wasn’t addressing those people. And furthermore, I think the point of my post speaks to a problem of epic proportions that I think we both agree upon, namely, abortion. If more people saw ALL pregnancies as a blessing and not a terrible burden, I think we would see a dramatic decrease in abortions. And maybe a simple “congratulations” is all a desperate woman who is unsure about her pregnancy needs to feel vindicated in her decision to bring her child into the world. I was hoping to speak to the root of the problem of our culture of death. I am so sorry I failed to do that.

  • Remarkable insight. People are always looking for things to complain about, and when they find them they sink their teeth in and hold on for their lives. Refreshing to meet people who just say screw it, I’m not living that way, I’m not going to take your bait. live a great life, kellogg’s.

  • Oh yeah. Another home run by the KelloggShow. Of course children are a blessing, but you can’t change the ignorant, you can try to educate by living unto His word, but you can force it. Prayer and being happy is the only way!

  • Oh please, please, please come be my BFF. I need more people like you in my life instead of the naysayers and doomsday crowd that has infiltrated my inner circle. LOL, love you guys.

  • Cheers to you, I raise my glass of red wine after a horrible day and relaxed immediately with your blog. Let it all go, Maura, let it all go.

  • “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you” (Jeremiah 1:5) You and your family exemplify God’s love in all you do. God Bless you for being so brave and so honest in sharing your life with us all. You make me wish I had more children. God Bless.

  • What a thoughtful article. We all do need to relax and not let the world dictate our thoughts and emotions. Strength is in us all, we only need to find it.

  • Dead on, quit all the bitching about everyone’s tiny irrelevant comments and focus on the bigger picture, the truly offensive things in life. You got it girl!

  • I just discovered your blog! What fun!

    I am from a large family and have 7 kids. Once a lady stopped me to ask if they were “all mine”. I said yes. She said “Why?” I told her, “If you saw my husband, you would know why.” LOL!

    Thank you for your fun, honest approach on raising kids.

  • Thank you for this insightful post. We all struggle with something and I struggle with NOT being offended. I will work on it with your pointers

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