I’m a worrier, you wouldn’t know it, but I am. I worry about everything. Often I chalk it up to being a mom, worrying about things that could happen, no matter how unlikely. I watch ID channel, so I know how being in the wrong place at the wrong time can be fatal. The fact that I lost a friend in high school to a Drunk Driver means I know how life can change in an instant. I’m the most optimistic doomsdayer on the planet. I literally rejoice and drop to my knees when my kids walk in the door at 2 am, because I’m well aware that’s not a given. While I have to worry about my kids, I don’t have to worry about other things. So, 2018 is going to be the year where I Refuse To Worry, or at least worry less.
In regards to worrying about kids, it’s mostly at night. You know how everything is so massively worse in the middle of the night than it is during the day? The other night, I literally had to walk myself off a cliff. I was certain Brody had died. The minute he left the house, I had a “bad feeling”. When I finally reached him via text, I cried thankful tears.
Rest assured, I would never be the person who is taken by surprise that something bad happened. I will always be the person who is unfathomably thankful that something bad didn’t happen. I’ve written about the time that Emmy was bitten by a dog … barely bitten, but the skin did break. I found the owner and was livid because he couldn’t provide proof that the dog had the rabies vaccination. After I got it all sorted out, I was still shaking and filled with dread. I told a friend, “Oh my gosh, so much can go wrong.” Her reply? Not what I expected … “So much can go right.”
Legit stopped me in my tracks!! So profoundly true. And so, this has stuck with me, and is kinda partly responsible for my New Years Resolution to Refuse to Worry in 2018. This woman is surrounded by loved ones that take unbelievable risks, yet she is sane. I can definitely learn from her. So, without further ado … here are the things in 2018 that I Refuse to Worry about.
Truth be told, I don’t really worry about money. This is Dan’s domain, and I really don’t give two hoots about money. Except I worry about a lack of money forcing us to be sedentary, to not travel, to not do wildly exotic things.
And I acknowledge, we need money to pay bills, to support our family, for stability and for adventure. I’m not stupid, I totally get it. And we’ve had some pretty epic struggles over the years from massive credit card bills that took decades to pay off to getting a car repossessed.
We’ve had some really great highs in between too, like buying a house in a vacation destination and becoming bonafide nomads. And, it would seem, we are on the upside right now, but no-one knows more than us about how cyclical money is. You are up and then down and then up and then down.
And stressing about money has never made us any money. In fact, the only thing that has ever made us any real money is Dan’s hard work and ability to solve people’s problems in the software engineering world. So in 2018 I Refuse to Worry about money, and I’ll try to convince Dan to do the same!
10 years ago, you would never have heard me utter a single worry about the future, I was knee deep in the now with a gaggle of young kids, undoubtedly pregnant and surrounded by everything I ever wanted. So much love and cherishing.
Today, the future is here. My kids are getting older, I’m not in as high demand and I’m not their everything … they have their own minds and their own plans. This worries me. A lot. Some days I let it consume me … what-if, what-if, what-if?
But, shoot. We have taught them everything we know. We are here for them forever … there is no 18 & out around here. We have their backs. If they need anything at all, all they have to do is ask, they know this. And so, as a mom, I have to realize that I can lead a horse to water, but I can’t make him drink.
There are few people who are wise enough to learn from other’s mistakes. I met one of these rare people in Vancouver. She and her husband had just bought an RV. They were missionaries and were heading back to Africa for a few months with their gaggle of kids. She asked me every question in the book. Some were very personal. I answered most and then asked where all these questions were coming from. She said, “I want to know your successes and failures because we want a life like yours and don’t want to make the same mistakes you made.”
She was serious, y’all. I have a few kids like this and a few that are destined to end up exactly where Dan and I ended up before saying “Screw it.” All we can do is be here for them when the time comes.
So, in 2018 I Refuse to Worry about the future. I have always had this uncanny ability to enjoy the here and now with no concern for the tomorrow’s that will come. And so, I will continue to do this very thing!!!
We are fit, we are active, we eat healthy, we never ever get sick, yet … cancer looms at every illness. I go from 0 to 60 in a split second. Headache? Brain tumor. Growing pains? Leukemia. I’m the mom that shows up at the Dr’s office with my own diagnosis.
I also worry about Dan who refuses to see the Dr for anything. The last time he went, he had strep throat, it was probably about 10 years ago. I made the appt and drove him there, probably under gun point. The time before that, he cut his finger open and needed stitches. His motto is if you aren’t bleeding profusely and you are breathing, well then you are fine.
But, I couldn’t live one day without him, so he better stick to the deal we made when we got married. I die first … but not for a very very very long time. In fact, I saw an article that described 55-65 as middle age and 85+ as elderly. I’m down for that. Cuz even though I’ve hit my 40’s, mentally and physically I still feel as though I’m in my 20’s. Long live everyone!
Yep, I gained quite a bit of weight whilst pregnant … keeping some of it on after the 7th baby was born. And after the 8th, 9th, 10, 11th & 12th. In fact, I was right fat there for awhile. But, just like worrying about money, fretting over my weight did absolutely nothing. Actually, it wasn’t until I quit bitching and moaning about my weight and actually DID something about it, that I shed much of the added poundage off. Amazing how that works, eh? Take control of something and you can make things happen. That’s how my whole life is … dunno why it took so long with the weight thing. Except I do. Cookies.
And now, I feel … ok. I have some pounds left to get to my absolute ideal weight and I’ll get there in a couple months. Food doesn’t have control over me. I’m entirely too vain for that. In fact, I’m entirely too vain to have been carrying an extra 40 pounds for like 10 years. Why was I such a slave to bad eating habits? It makes no sense to me now, but it is what it is and I Refuse to Worry About my weight any longer.
Now, please don’t go shaming me because I’m shaming myself for being overweight. I’m sorry, but it’s not healthy and it’s not attractive (to me) and so I was uncomfortable in my own skin. I read about a lady the other day who is trying to be the world record holder for being the heaviest woman ever. I saw engagement photos of a very overweight woman and the outpouring of love for her was immeasurable. I guess what I’m saying is to each her own. Some of us embrace our curves, others want to shrink our hips. The best thing you can do is be supportive of the journey we want to take.
I used to complain about my weight and everyone, on cue, would say, “You are not fat. You are beautiful. Love who you are.” And I would think to myself, “But this isn’t me. I’ve always been wayyyy skinny.” I couldn’t love that girl because she was an imposter. She was the result of epic laziness and complacency. So, I got to work and little by little, I’m loving me again … so, yeah. No worries, just action in 2018.
2018 is going to be the year where I just hand everything I have no power over to God. My grandmother taught me this. Give it to God, ask Him to fix the problem and to let you know when it’s been solved. I Refuse to Worry about things … action can eliminate most worries and prayer takes care of the rest. Living Authentically reduces many worries, so there is that too! 🙂